Thursday, March 27, 2014

Other People's Words

Some days I feel like I am absolutely, positively incapable of putting my feelings into words.

When I'm so happy that I have to jump up and down in the office [happened yesterday]
When I'm so sad that tears force their way into my eyes
When I'm so nervous that my chest breaks out in red splotches [super attractive]
When I'm anxious and my chest gets tight on the inside
When I'm twitterpated and my words get twisted up - or completely lost altogether
When I have so much joy that my cheeks hurt from smiling


I feel all the feelings and I feel them deep. I hurt as big as I love. I dream big and obsessively. When it comes to fight or flight, the bird in me wants to spread wings, but the fighter takes that 1, 2, punch.

Feelings are suffocating and freeing. They're empowering and debilitating. They're the most exquisite dichotomy.

It takes me a while to get to the words. Sometimes the perfect way of expressing my emotions comes in the form of an awesome Design Crush quote, a song that comes on the radio at the perfect time, a text message from a friend, or - most shockingly of all - my own mouth.

Every once in a while, I feel compelled to send encouraging text messages for no reason at all. I'll text my mom to tell her just how much I love and miss her. [It always cracks me up when she replies with "why?" "Just because you're my Momma!!"]

Well, the other day, I had been thinking about a conversation with a friend who always seems to have the perfect words to sum up how I'm feeling - or the perfectly crafted comeback to those [really and truly] rare days of emotional distress. I wanted to be sure that he knew just how much I respect him and value his friendship. Plus, he makes my brain better. I've had to look up words, a handful of times, that he'll drop into casual texting convos.

Anyway, at some point in the conversation, the tables turned and I was being handed some pretty kind encouragement as well. I paused when he texted that he respected my drive and desire to always be more.

There he went and put words to this feeling that I haven't been able to pinpoint for a while. I do want to be more... I want to be kinder, stronger, happier, more loving, passionate and positive every day!

This is borderline "Beautiful Mind" rambling - sorry! Dear friends, at what age do we figure it all out?

Tell me it's 26. Cause ya know, I'm almost there!

It wasn't until I was about to hit "publish" on this post that I remembered I'd taken a screenshot of something on Instagram earlier, but I couldn't remember what it said.

Well, what do you know... it kinda, sorta, totally applies.

[image source]

Staying in the fight to always be more and striving for who I was created to be!
xoxo, E

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