It’s so easy to see the speck in someone else’s eye and not see the plank in your own. (side note: I used to always say the speck of dust in someone else’s eye and the plank in your own – however, I’m pretty sure that isn’t correct. So I’m just going with speck. Forgive me, Lord.)
As an only child, I have always been the apple of my parents’ eye. They even say, “You’re pretty close to perfect.” Momma says the only thing keeping me from being perfect is that I don’t like to pose for Christmas card pictures – but more on that another time.
All my life I have heard how mature I am – or how grown up I seem. To be honest, I think this went to my head a little bit. I’ll never forget a time in college when I definitely got knocked down a peg or two.
Disclaimer: I have a tendency to over-share, but I figure that my life lessons are mine to share, right?
Anyway, I asked one of my college professors to write me a recommendation letter for a summer opportunity. By the time I received the letter from him/her, I had already submitted my application with recommendations from other professors. I figured it couldn’t hurt to open the letter to see what he/she wrote. Oh, how wrong I was.
I vividly remember sitting in my dorm room sobbing as I read the words. At the time I felt that they were so unfair and categorically untrue. I called my mom and told her what I had done. I thought she would be upset with me for “breaking the confidence” of the recommender. But, being the wise woman she is, Momma told me to go to the mailroom the next day and mail that letter home. (Get rid of the evidence, hehe).
I went home for a holiday break a few weeks after, and we discussed the letter and the hurtful words it contained. Momma encouraged me to take the words to heart and show that professor just how wrong he/she was about me.
Hindsight, he/she was dead-on regarding a few things he/she wrote. I did think I knew everything – and I didn’t exactly respect his/her authority the way I should have.
I went back to school with a whole new attitude and demeanor. I can’t remember how the next part came about exactly, it was either midterm reviews or another recommendation letter, but the same professor told me he/she had seen a dramatic difference in how I handled myself in the classroom and was really proud of the maturity I was exhibiting.
The point of telling that story is that even though I learned the lesson while in college, I still struggle with thinking that I’m right or that I’m not immature in any of my actions. We all know this isn’t true.
Another obvious fact, relationships are hard. Really hard. Especially for someone who is an only child, thinks they are always (or let’s say usually) right, has always been told by their parents how wonderful (even perfect) they are, etc. etc. etc. Much less putting two of those people in one relationship – but this is about me.
After a year and (almost) a half of being in my current relationship, I have realized just how immature I have been at times. Now, no recommendation letter has been written – that I know of, lol – but the realization is still a tough one to come to. Especially when the behaviors have become habits. But what’s awesome is that I can change my habits!
I hope you stuck with me on this crazy train of thought post, but lately I just haven’t had the “oomf” to pull out a good blog post, and this one just came to me today.
Call me an over-sharer, too open or too personal, but this is me.
Plus it’s my blog – and I’ll blog what I want to!
2012 is going to be a great year. I just know it. I also think there will be many more of these “revelations” in the year to come – Lord willing.
Live life glamorously,
p.s. To lighten it up a bit, not sure why Mommacita thinks I won't pose for Christmas pictures... I guess the one antlered Rudolph didn't quite make the "Christmas Card" cut.